What The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Tells Us About Suppression, Shame, and the Psyche

Yes, I’m a therapist who spent her weekend binging The Secret Life of Mormon Wives. No, I have no regrets. And yes—if there’s a season three, I’ll be there, snack in hand, pausing every five minutes to whisper, “Ohhh, this is exactly what I see in session.”

What struck me most in this season wasn’t just the drama (although wow), but the unconscious suppression baked into the culture. These women are navigating a deeply internalized system that they don’t even realize they’re still in. And if you’ve ever wondered why the stricter the parent, the wilder the kid—or why people seem to manifest the very behaviors they’re trying to avoid—welcome to the psychological funhouse that is internalized repression.

Take the soda, for example. In nearly every scene, there it is: the 44 oz. symbol of suppressed desire. No coffee allowed? Fine. But here comes the sugar-caffeine cocktail (no pun intended), guzzled down like a rebellion in a Styrofoam cup. It’s not just about the soda—it’s about the unseen forces that drive our choices when we can’t consciously claim our wants and needs.

As Jung (you know, that friendly neighborhood philosopher/psychotherapist) famously said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” And these women? They’re fated to sneak around their own cravings—emotional, physical, and spiritual—because their culture doesn’t make room for open, honest desire.

Let’s be real: When you’re raised to believe that wanting things is sinful—whether that’s a second Diet Coke, your own sexual autonomy, or a quiet night not spent performing perfection—it’s no wonder desire goes underground. And when things get buried, they don’t die. They fester.

So how do we stay healthy in a culture that teaches us not to be honest with ourselves?

Here’s a short guide to keeping your psyche hydrated (even if you’re still ordering “dirty Diet Cokes” on the daily):

1. Know Your Values.
   I’m not talking about the checklist from church or the Pinterest version of morality. I mean your values—the ones that come from your own lived experience and inner knowing. That’s your internal compass (see what I did there?).
2. Get in Alignment.
   Integrity isn’t just about honesty with others—it’s about matching your inner truth with your outer choices. Let go of the roles and rules that were handed to you without consent.
3. Practice Saying No.
   Both to yourself and to others. Build boundaries like you’re building a home: sturdy, warm, and only open to who (and what) belongs.

---

Now, if soda was the opener, let’s talk about the stomach-turner: shame.

Remember the scene where Taylor’s dad points at her and shames her for being sexually active with the father of her child? Right in front of him? While simultaneously blaming her for the breakdown of the relationship?

I felt that in my gut—and if you’ve been raised in a high-demand conservative religion, you probably did too. It’s the same old formula: women are shamed for sexuality, men are comforted for struggle, and enmeshment is disguised as “love.” It’s the stuff of religious trauma, passed off as family values.

Taylor’s parents ended the season bewildered by her low self-worth—as if their constant criticism, intrusive involvement, and unconscious misogyny weren’t part of the equation. (Spoiler: they were.)

---

Then comes the group dynamic.

The cattiness. The infighting. The subtle digs and not-so-subtle sabotage. And again, it’s easy to write it off as “mean girl behavior,” but that misses the deeper point.

These women aren’t just being petty. They’re surviving in a system where their power is limited, their roles are assigned, and their emotional needs are rarely centered. When women are second-tier to male authority—when they’ve never had full access to autonomy—power struggles will show up in the spaces they do control: friendships, group dynamics, and social hierarchy.

It’s not about being bad. It’s about being disempowered.

And when you don’t know who you are—because you’ve never been allowed to fully find out—you end up emotionally activated, dysregulated, and confused. Over time, those internalized systems become relational trauma that gets passed down, generation to generation.

This is not new. Read the journals of polygamous women from the past 200 years and you’ll find the same stories: jealousy, scarcity, emotional exhaustion, and a gnawing feeling of not quite belonging. What you won’t always find is language for it—because language itself has often been shaped by the very systems that silence.

---

So yes, I watched the show. I laughed. I cringed. I wanted to hug every single woman.

And I also saw, plain as day, the effects of high-control religion, generational messaging, and collective emotional suppression.

We are psychosocial, biological, and relational beings. The culture we’re born into does shape us. The stories passed down through doctrine and family become etched in our nervous systems.

As silly as it may seem on the surface, The Secret Life of Mormon Wives shines a neon-lit spotlight on the very dynamics I see every week in my office as a therapist specializing in religious trauma.

If this resonated with you—whether you’re drinking Diet Coke, exploring your own values, or just trying to figure out why you feel off—you’re not alone. And you’re not crazy. You’re just waking up to your own internal compass. Welcome.

---

Want more tools for healing after high-demand religion?

You might find my post on Taking Wise Risks in Healing Religious Trauma or
Deconstructing Progression helpful too!

Check out my Faith Transition Journal on Amazon—designed to help you reconnect to your values, your truth, and your sense of self.

And if you’re a therapist in the Phoenix area, join us at our next coffee meet-up. We talked about this show last time (yes, really), and I’m bringing handouts this round—come sip something warm and nerd out with us.

—