The Myth of Constant Growth
Deconstructing Progression; Real Growth Happens In the Present Moment.
In the therapy room, I often hear clients say some version of: “I just feel like I should be further along by now.” It’s usually accompanied by shame, frustration, and exhaustion. They’re doing “the work”—reading, journaling, showing up to sessions—but still feel like they’re failing because they aren’t seeing the kind of linear, upward, shiny progression they’ve been taught to expect.
That’s why deconstructing progression—and the grasping that comes with it—is so crucial to healing. We’ve internalized the idea that if we’re not moving forward, we must be falling backward. But what if presence is the real path to growth?
Presence Over Performance
It’s not just clients. Therapists fall into this trap too—feeling like we always need to be evolving, scaling, optimizing, deepening our inner work, reaching some elusive “next level.” But here’s the truth I’ve witnessed again and again in my work (and lived in my own healing): progression actually accelerates when we stop trying to force it.
We’ve been sold this myth that growth is a ladder—climb it fast, no steps backward, don’t stop or you’re failing. But real healing, especially after leaving high-control systems or faith structures, doesn’t look like a ladder. It looks like a spiral. It loops, it dips, it pauses. When we judge ourselves for the pauses or dips, we actually slow the spiral down.
If we can deconstruct the idea that we must be constantly progressing, something amazing happens:
We create space to actually be where we are.
Letting Go of Grasping: How Healing Actually Works
Being present with what’s real—with grief, fatigue, joy, numbness, awe, confusion—is what builds the inner trust that fuels meaningful, sustainable change.
Not urgency, not shame, not the pressure to perform, or to produce some measurable evidence of transformation.
When we let go of the grasping, we soften. We get curious. We notice what’s underneath the “why am I not there yet?” And often, what’s underneath is deep pain that finally gets to be witnessed—not bypassed for the sake of being “better.”
The Power of Just Being
I’ve seen clients make massive internal shifts in short amounts of time not when they were striving harder, but when they allowed themselves to stop. To rest, feel, and stop making healing a performance. Start making it a relationship—with themselves, with the present moment, with their body, with reality as it is.
If you’ve been in a season where you feel like you’re stuck or not growing fast enough, maybe this is your reminder:
You are allowed to be, not just become.
Sometimes, that’s where the most profound becoming begins.
Coming Home to Yourself Through Presence and Acceptance
Sometimes healing is about taking wise risks. Other times, healing is about doing the work. Sometimes healing is just about learning to be here, now. Learning to accept yourself exactly as you are. Letting go of the hustle and the desire for more. Deconstructing progression and loosening our grasp on constant improvement allows presence to finally enter the healing process.
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