Safety is Not the Answer; Taking Wise Risks in Healing Religious Trauma

When “Safety” Becomes a Stumbling Block
If you’ve left a high-control religion, you might equate safety with peace. Safety feels warm, predictable, and protective—especially after living in a system that shamed or punished risk-taking. But healing isn’t about staying safe forever. It’s about learning when and how to take wise risks.

Why Wise Risks Matter in Healing

Wise risks are decisions that feel slightly uncomfortable but align with your values and goals. They stretch you just enough to grow without overwhelming you. In DBT, we call this “Wise Mind,” where you balance emotional instincts (fear) with logic and intuition.

Examples of Wise Risks:

• Sharing your story with a trusted friend.
• Trying mindfulness or spiritual practices outside of your former faith.
• Exploring new values or hobbies you were once discouraged from pursuing.
• Setting boundaries with people who represent old dynamics.

Each risk signals to your system that it’s safe to explore life beyond rigid rules and fear-based teachings.

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IFS: Leading with Your Self

In Internal Family Systems (IFS), protective parts of you might resist taking risks. These parts—formed to keep you safe in the oppressive system—may fear that stepping out will lead to judgment or harm.

The good news? You now have your Self, your inner leader, who can guide your healing with curiosity and compassion.

• Step 1: Notice when a protective part is holding you back.
• Step 2: Validate its fears. (“I understand why you’re cautious. You were hurt before.”)
• Step 3: Reassure it. (“I’m in charge now, and I’ll make sure we stay safe while trying new things.”)

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Safety vs. Growth: The Balance

True healing happens when you balance safety with growth. Remaining in the “safe zone” might feel comforting, but it also keeps you tethered to fear. Taking wise risks—no matter how small—creates the space for freedom, joy, and authenticity.

What One Step Can You Take Today?
Ask yourself: What’s one small, wise risk I can take today to move closer to my authentic self? Maybe it’s as simple as journaling about your feelings or as bold as signing up for a new class.

Every step matters. Every risk heals. And remember, you’re not alone in this journey.

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For support and guidance, explore more resources or schedule a session at Inner Compass Counseling & Consultation.